Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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