the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
