Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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