She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
