Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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