here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
