two words: eviction party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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