I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
