He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
