Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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