Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
