why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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