just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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