Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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