and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
