So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
