VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
