I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
