in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
