I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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