The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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