My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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