would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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