i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
