Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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