end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
