First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
