it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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