Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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