3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
