Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
