dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
