I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
