you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
