it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
