i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
