I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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