Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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