we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
