I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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