I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
