Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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