Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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