it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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