in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize