My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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