Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
