i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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