You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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