JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
