Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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