I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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