I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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