She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
