eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
