Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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