He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
