if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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