so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
