If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
