even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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