Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
