why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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