I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
