Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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