i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
