You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
