We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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