Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
