your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
