She's JV to your varsity
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fill condoms, not promises.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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